currently listening to: Playing god by Paramore. current mood: sulky and hungry.
its been quite a while too since ive last updated. haha. seems like forever. well paramore was first and foremost the most amazing night of my life! haha. i swear. even not being able to see the stage for like a quarter of the show i still get to experience the live performance of my favourite band. i swear its the only band that i want to watch live before i die. well for the exception of the kpop stuff which i have been obsessed about for the past few years. ahaha.
im so awed by the fact that they played my favourite songs ever from the past albums. well maybe not my heart(i was waiting for that) but pressure, never let this go, thats what you get, let the flames begin and for a pessimist im pretty optimistic. haha. they played misery business as well. songs from the new album is uhm ignorance, careful, looking up, the only exception and brick by boring brick. haha. oh they played decode as well. i was waiting for playing god and feeling sorry actually. haha. well i guess i just have to listen from the album it self.
i saw many people i know. haha. from those that ive known since pri sch up to those ive known in poly. even my best friend's sister was there haha. i think no matter how much i sweat or how long i waited it was all worth it. haha..
i know ive been moody for the previous posts. i just dunno whats up with me now. haha. brain not functioning properly i guess. well i guess its another lonely holiday b4 school starts. im wondering whether i should just go out for starbucks alone or just have it take away and enjoy it at home haha.
now im craving for some korean mixed rice, bibimbap. haha. its delicious. really. now im seriously contemplating whether i should go out and buy it home. haha. wonder if its still open. damn i want me some kimchi haha. i have these weird cravings and im nt even pregnant. well i shoudnt b! haha. maybe cuz im sick i want to eat so many things cuz of my tongue.
sometimes i find it funny when u like this person and the person doesnt know it and then when that person finally finds out u no longer like that person and that everything will be awkward btwn the two of you. haha. its weird yes but its true haha. love is a silly thing but if you can last a lifetime with the person you love then its definitely true love. but i find that when people divorce after a while they still dont regret anything cuz they have given their all and there was nth else they could have done to save it. sometimes when people are in love when they are younger, they might not feel the same when they grow older if they are not meant to be.
okay ive been random today. and i guess super boring ahah no one comes to read my blog anymore cuz i dont update regularly. and when i do its either emo, about food, or just random stuff. haha. nth much on my daily life cuz nth much happens like now. ive been lying in bed since i woke up. i need to go shower and eat haha. hungry person. i might be getting bibimbap if my mum allows it. then maybe starbucks after haha. c yall later.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010{ 1:18 AM }
i should sleep. but i wanna continue hearing my favourite songs first. but dear world. goodnight.
{ 1:04 AM }
this is one of my favourite songs. its one of my all time favourite. i think when i first heard the song. i was in love with the song. i wanna thank you for introducing me to this song.
i actually made a cover of it. not that good i might add. but its been a long while since i actually had the chance to sing it. even tho i was supposed to do it with you, i made it so that i could at least dedicate it to you. thank you again my friend. here is to you.
i guess the song did have a meaning to it. hah. not the happiest but its still meaningful.
It's twelve o' clock and I need your attention It's like the alcohol making my head spin Your scent is the rum. the room is a bottle Keeping me hopeless 'til I wake tomorrow
And if tonight ever makes a difference The way that I feel the way that I'll remember it I'll take this down until the glass remains Swallow the words that I was meant to say
It's a long drive back to Vegas skies So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight, so
Say goodnight our first goodbye I've only got forever and forever is fine Just take your time We'll stop the clock together And know that the timing was right
All of these guards they stand tall and defensive Putting up walls around what was once innocent It won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that 'Cause you stole my eyes and I've never looked back
Girl, last night I forgot to mention The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember this When we're this young, we have nothing to lose We just the clock to beat and a hand to choose
It's a long drive back to Vegas skies So I don't, I make one more wrong turn tonight, so
Say goodnight our first goodbye I've only got forever and forever is fine Just take your time We'll stop the clock together And know that the timing was right
It's a long way down Just fall into place and you'll fall into me We'll make it out you'll see
So, say goodnight, our first goodbye I've only got forever and forever is fine Just take your time We'll stop the clock together
And say goodnight, our first goodbye I've only got forever and forever is fine Just take your time We'll stop the clock together And know that the timing was right
Vegas Skies by the Cab.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010{ 11:55 PM }
i have no more energy left. i just can't do this anymore. i don't have the strength to carry on living. i just hope god will do something to make me feel better. but i don't think i deserve it anyway
i just feel like its the end of life. nth i do pleases anybody. i just am excess baggage. i dont deserve to live. should i go back to self mutilisation? no one cared b4, no one is going to care now.
it always made me feel better hurting myself. the feeling of blood flowing down your arms. the smell of the blood. the pain that you feel when the blade cuts. getting high on the blood loss.
i think there is a difference between getting hurt and feeling pain. getting hurt is most probably a bruise or a scratch kinda of feeling. but to me feeling pain always excites me. it calms me down and makes me feel that i dont need anyone else to make me feel stupid or unwanted.
i think feeling pain makes me realise that im not always going to be loved or accepted by people. like i said. no one really cared anyways. so there wont be any tragedy in me dying anyway.
crap. i just realised my tears were flowing non-stop. i guess i really have a sad life. goodnight fellow humanity.
this cruel, cruel world. when are you going to make life easier for everyone. might as well just blow up.
Sunday, January 17, 2010{ 11:15 PM }
currently listening to: CN Blue's cover of Drive. current mood: still recovering.
well it really has been super duper long since ive updated and my blog has officially become dusty haha. i dont have any ides on what to write on it. school.? no. music..? no most of my music now is not for most sane humans but for overly obsessed beings haha. (i need new music) life? hah what life.? hmmmm i havent been updating this blog and the one for my class. maybe cuz i keep forgetting and ive become too busy due to schoolwork and family. haha.
i realise ive been spending so much time with my parents lately that i keep asking them to buy stuff. that is not good cuz i know only my dad works so we dont really have that much money. oh and dad got into an accident at work like a mth n a half ago. so hes been at home since then. well its still paid leave cuz it happened at work so we are grateful for that. with the result of that, we always go out to eat during my holidays and during weekends now. its good to know that my parents still think of my health. oh and i got sick twice since i was gone. once school closed and once last week. stupid. cuz i dint get to take my EMP test. mati!
being sick i was prone to getting body aches and what not. so i apparently had my pains back. after like what 2 years..? its been a hell of a ride cuz i cudnt really walk properly or sit. i had to lie down. making my way to the hospital, again doc said it was nth to worry about. it was probably pre-period pains or uneven bowel movements. but it could be also your appendix thats causing the pain. i feel like i was super screwed after i heard that. mum tells me to eat more. dad tells me to stop smoking. yes i know. but then what else can i do. im stressed out about my body ever since it started. ive been getting heavier at it and im still wondering if i can quit thoroughly or i would still be having a few sticks whenever im stressed out.
even tho finding out about the pain made me lose the part of my life that i loved the most, i still managed to bring myself up and strive to a new beginning. well now im trying not to be lazy or im trying hard to be the best at what i can do. but since the pain came back a few weeks or so ago bit by bit im starting to lose hope in life. i come back home after school. sometimes i just stay out abit more alone just to smoke a few sticks. i feel that im a failure among my own family. im a girl and i do bad things. smoke drink curse n what not. i do wanna change but then again, with my body condition like this id rather die than try and make myself happier.
seeing people who has loads of friends makes me kinda sad cuz my own friends arent really real cuz they dont talk to me much. im always excluded and stuff in class. im always by myself. i feel like my lifes a waste. but music makes me happier. esp the music that im listening to most of the time now. language barrier always can be avoided. it makes me happy cuz i get to immerse myself in the song and just be like one of those fans who worship those idols. haha. but deep in my heart i just love their music. not the fact that they are cute. that my friends is just a bonus point. their music actually has that raw talent that people keep misunderstanding. u see me as a tough cookie outside but im just a fangirl that never stops singing along to their songs. haha.
now i have to think of something to write on my other blog cuz if not i wont get the marks for it. its 10%? or more? haha. but i guess i have to stop here. i'll do the other blog some other day. cuz right now pain is overcoming my body and i cant really lift up a body part properly. and i need to be in school tmr for PRMP. hope that one i can do. haha. gonna b in school at 9. hopefully i can see him tmr. he only spoke to me once like during class uhm 3 days ago.? haha. it filled an empty spot in my life. may i write again soon. time for me to start designing. =)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009{ 1:37 PM }
currently listening to: the sound of my fan and my stomach growling. current mood: sick and hungry.
sup. hah. im suddenly hungry again even tho i ate in school just now.. haha. damn.. i reached home at about 1 10? haha..kinda early fr me. but im feeling under the weather.. stupid uhs.. keep having migraines and shit. now im having a fever=( i shoud probably join a sport or start exercising again when i get better.. hopefully tmr i wont have to skip class.. well if i do miss it i would have mc.. haha..
school was okay i guess.. dint feel sleepy in finance this morning surprisingly even tho we were going thru accounts. haha.. my fav. gee.. 3 years take alr must take again. so sad.. nvm luhs at least gt the basics there. i went to school in the laziest attire i could find this morning. a big tee, shorts and slippers. i din even have my contacts on and i had to squint my eyes as small as possible to be able to see.. maybe thats why when i smile my eyes disappear.. haha..
damn. i wanna get apolaroid so bad.. daddy! haha. but then i nee to save up tho.. 115? i think haha... not so expensive but still im not even working.. grr.. i wanna get it so that i can take pics fr christmas this year.. hopefully i have friends to spend it with haha. but its mostly for my collection of photos when i go overseas to study.. most likely down under haha.. if only i cud get it an start collecting an do a mini scrapbook for when i go.. even so... i would only get to see pictures instead of hugging or seeing the people in person.. i would most likely miss my parents the most cuz i need mum's cooking.. even tho i dont eat all the time at home i still want to smell the food she cooks.. im gonna miss my dad's funny comments when he watches soccer.. haha.. ouh and i wont be able to eat jap food with him also.. gosh im already going to tear up..
well i just hope its going to be a productive time overseas.. will b missing everyone. haha.. esp my closest friends.. gah! okayi shud stop.. and i shud get some sleep. i look like im about to faint just now.. stomach is growling louder too haha.. see ya'll soon.
ps. i know my posts are random but kinda boring too haha
Tuesday, October 27, 2009{ 9:33 PM }
current mood: enjoying life. currently listening to: amaku hateshinaku by DBSK
wow.. today is kinda hectic.. stupid lor. haha.. came late to EMP.. had to do a dare.. walau. had my bra strap slapped on my shoulder.. haha. went fr freakin therapy after school.. so boring.. just sit there.. doing nth while heat and electromagnets transfered thru my body.. haha.. i did abit of EMP reading tho.. surprisingly.. with things on the way i took the bus 502 to town.. well i over slept till city hall apparently.. haha..
went home after round 830.. haha then kinda slept standing fr abit.. haha.. otw home saw weird things.. haha saw someone who looked like my friend whom i havent seen in years.. haha.. was weird.. then on the bus home saw this two african dudes in shiny tops waiting fr the bus.. i was trying to restrain my laughter in the bus since i was alone.. then.. dropped off frm the bus and saw this guy.. who looked like Syed Azmir frm anugerah.. i feel so weird.. haha dunno whether to believe or nt.. hahaha..
reached home.. did finance.. urgh theory.. haha was such a stressed moment.. but then finished.. looked thru facebook.. then saw DBSK news on the net.. kinda glad they would most prob b staying tgtr.. haha. well my posts are always boring and uneventful.. and very wordy... nvm.. i c ya'll soon..
