Sunday, January 17, 2010
{ 11:15 PM }
currently listening to: CN Blue's cover of Drive.
current mood: still recovering.
well it really has been super duper long since ive updated and my blog has officially become dusty haha. i dont have any ides on what to write on it. school.? no. music..? no most of my music now is not for most sane humans but for overly obsessed beings haha. (i need new music) life? hah what life.? hmmmm i havent been updating this blog and the one for my class. maybe cuz i keep forgetting and ive become too busy due to schoolwork and family. haha.
i realise ive been spending so much time with my parents lately that i keep asking them to buy stuff. that is not good cuz i know only my dad works so we dont really have that much money. oh and dad got into an accident at work like a mth n a half ago. so hes been at home since then. well its still paid leave cuz it happened at work so we are grateful for that. with the result of that, we always go out to eat during my holidays and during weekends now. its good to know that my parents still think of my health. oh and i got sick twice since i was gone. once school closed and once last week. stupid. cuz i dint get to take my EMP test. mati!
being sick i was prone to getting body aches and what not. so i apparently had my pains back. after like what 2 years..? its been a hell of a ride cuz i cudnt really walk properly or sit. i had to lie down. making my way to the hospital, again doc said it was nth to worry about. it was probably pre-period pains or uneven bowel movements. but it could be also your appendix thats causing the pain. i feel like i was super screwed after i heard that. mum tells me to eat more. dad tells me to stop smoking. yes i know. but then what else can i do. im stressed out about my body ever since it started. ive been getting heavier at it and im still wondering if i can quit thoroughly or i would still be having a few sticks whenever im stressed out.
even tho finding out about the pain made me lose the part of my life that i loved the most, i still managed to bring myself up and strive to a new beginning. well now im trying not to be lazy or im trying hard to be the best at what i can do. but since the pain came back a few weeks or so ago bit by bit im starting to lose hope in life. i come back home after school. sometimes i just stay out abit more alone just to smoke a few sticks. i feel that im a failure among my own family. im a girl and i do bad things. smoke drink curse n what not. i do wanna change but then again, with my body condition like this id rather die than try and make myself happier.
seeing people who has loads of friends makes me kinda sad cuz my own friends arent really real cuz they dont talk to me much. im always excluded and stuff in class. im always by myself. i feel like my lifes a waste. but music makes me happier. esp the music that im listening to most of the time now. language barrier always can be avoided. it makes me happy cuz i get to immerse myself in the song and just be like one of those fans who worship those idols. haha. but deep in my heart i just love their music. not the fact that they are cute. that my friends is just a bonus point. their music actually has that raw talent that people keep misunderstanding. u see me as a tough cookie outside but im just a fangirl that never stops singing along to their songs. haha.
now i have to think of something to write on my other blog cuz if not i wont get the marks for it. its 10%? or more? haha. but i guess i have to stop here. i'll do the other blog some other day. cuz right now pain is overcoming my body and i cant really lift up a body part properly. and i need to be in school tmr for PRMP. hope that one i can do. haha. gonna b in school at 9. hopefully i can see him tmr. he only spoke to me once like during class uhm 3 days ago.? haha. it filled an empty spot in my life. may i write again soon. time for me to start designing. =)
